Never Fry Bacon in the Nude and other lessons.
Rick Astley "Never Gonna Give You Up"
Life has taught me a lot of lessons and most of them have been Basic programming.
Do you remember Basic? You know - if then go to.
If this happens then go to this.
If you place your hand on something hot then you remove the hand. Thanks, brain.
Many other lessons are learned from the teachings of…Others.
Of the many lessons I have learned from Others, this one is one of most memorable:
Never Fry Bacon in the Nude.
Now, it seems obvious and should not have to be said that there is an inherent danger in frying bacon in the nude as there is far more downside than upside in doing it in the first place.
Therefore, when a long time friend - Bill - offered such wisdom, l just laughed because obviously he learned that lesson the hard way and it was a funny visual.
This was no idiom (an expression that holds a different meaning to its literal meaning), Bill had learned this lesson the hard way.
Bill passed it along and I have shared it - but only as an idiom and a lesson.
Never fry bacon in the nude is similar to the foreign policy of former President Obama which he summed up as - “Don’t do stupid sh*t.”
Rather than telling someone not to do stupid sh*t, telling them never to fry bacon is more impactful. Strong visual.
Because what are the actual odds that one would find oneself in such a situation in which one is setting up a skillet and getting ready to fry up some bacon whilst in one’s birthday suit?
Turns out it’s roughly 1 in 20,000.
This is day 21,361 for me and shortly after the COVID lockdown, I found myself over the stove with skillet and bacon but also sans vetements. (without clothing)
I don’t remember the circumstances and it really doesn’t matter.
It. Was. My. House.
AND I actually heard Bill’s voice as I was frying up that bacon.
“I remember Bill telling me not to do this…” ha ha ha
Did it stop me? It did not. And there were about half a dozen aprons three feet from me.
Nope. Don’t need those.
Turns out, Bill was right.
Idiots vs. Idioms = idiom no longer. Lesson learned.
Reminder - he didn’t say “Don’t fry bacon in the nude”, Bill said “Never.”
There is a BIG difference in Don’t and Never.
“Don’t” has some wiggle room. Never is resolute, isn’t it?
AND it still didn’t stop me. I learned the hard way.
Like with very young children, when you say “John, don’t bounce on the bed!”, we all know what’s going to happen next. John’s going to bounce on not just that bed, but likely every bed in the house.
However, if you sat down with John and said, “Son, never jump on the bed. It’s far too dangerous.” There is a deeper lesson in that instruction and he is far less likely to jump on the bed.
Famous chef Anthony Bourdain once offered on his show:
Never have three Negronis.
Did I listen to him? I did not.
Was he, like Bill, right? He was.
Never do that. NEVER EVER have three Negronis.
If he’d have said “Don’t have three Negronis”, that would have meant, “Bourdain said don’t have four. I heard four. Clearly.”
Why do I offer these two valuable lessons?
Well, it’s time to pivot.
Rather than simply sending you information from a wide variety of sources, I would like to offer some of the many valuable lessons I have learned over these 21,361 days.
The more recent 12,000 of those days have found me active in American politics and I learn something just about EVERY DAY.
Do with them as you wish.
Here are today’s top three Never lessons:
Never fry bacon in the nude.
Never have three Negronis.
and as you will see below, Never forget Supply and Demand.
And Don’t think it won’t matter this fall.
Global demand chart from IEA (International Energy Agency
Prices are largely global
But we have a say:
